Monday, August 29, 2011

Might as Well Enjoy It: An R Day Giveaway!

I compose most of these posts in my mind while walking my dog. You may have surmised that I have a very strange looking dog. If you read some of that mess about all of my bad parenting, you may be thinking, "No one's dog is that strange looking." But truly, last week another dog who appeared to be a cross between a dachsund and a bloodhound stopped in his tracks and gawked at my dog as if he'd never seen anything so grotesque. Or perhaps he just felt accompanied for the first time in his doggy life...

The vet thinks corgi and lab but I know there's some bull terrier or boxer in there too. He's short and stocky with excellent just-floppy-enough ears that bring to mind a bat in flight. From my perspective on our walks it actually looks more like a bat trying to take flight while holding a 65 lb burrito dipped in chocolate and rolled in magnetized iron filings.

Thanks to our exceedingly wet August, the dog has mosquito bites in his nether regions. I've lost some sleep this week fretting about earthquakes and hurricanes and the 4th anniversary of R's death but, nothing prevents sleep like an itchy dog. Especially an itchy dog who is about 4 inches too long from shoulder to tail and 2 inches too short in the leg to reach his own itchy ass. The unproductive licking! The whining! The scratch of nails on wood floor! If I thought he'd leave, I'd set him free.

And now you're thinking, "I didn't come to this blog to read about itchy dog asses."

This morning the dog attempted to escape his itch. Head-down, ears unfloppy, hunched inward with his front legs moving faster than his hind legs--like many of us in our lowest moments, the dog attempted to outrun his own ass.

The worst parts of ourselves are the hardest to flee, aren't they?

But it gave me an idea. Two ideas, actually. First, I'm going to get some anti-histamines for the dog. Second, and more importantly, I'm going to purge all of the ick of August from this blog with a giveaway.

In honor of R, I'm going to knit something for a randomly selected commenter. If you'd like to participate, just leave a comment below before 11:59 PM EST on August 31 and I'll enter you in the drawing.

The winner can choose from the following: a pair of socks, a hat, a neckwarmer, or a pair of mittens.

Just leave a comment with your preferred choice and preferred color/color combo and I'll throw your name in the hat. If you're feeling more chatty, tell me about your dog or what you're trying to outrun these days.

Don't be shy! Even if you're just stopping by, feel free to join in the fun.


  1. Howling. And with my "dark side" penchant, it isn't the easiest thing to make me laugh like that. My husband couldn't figure out if I was dying or...? :)

    I was going to highlight the parts I liked the best, but figure you don't need to read your whole post in the comments.

    However: "It actually looks more like a bat trying to take flight while holding a 65 lb burrito dipped in chocolate and rolled in magnetized iron filings."

    And no passing this up: "I didn't come to this blog to read about itchy dog asses." Well, I think I must have. Our house, it's all cats.

    Choice: a pair of mittens. In your favorite color(s). Whatever you like to see when you look down at your work, if you are a looker-downer. Do some people create without looking?

    I hope you don't "purge all the ick of August." I know what you mean, but your darker side is just as welcome as your funny one. You shine either way.

    And R shines, too. Beautiful, beautiful girl.

    I can't settle on the outrun question. But I think the answer is probably pretty similar to your dog's.

    Made my morning,

    Cathy in Missouri

  2. lol...your post made me laugh. no ididn't expect to read about a dog's itchy ass, but the unexpected is good sometimes.

    these days i'm running from my reality...dead baby, jobless husband, kids too independent! i'm running from reality looking for my dreams and i just need to stop and live in my reality.

    i love greens, blues, purples...pretty much anything mixed with, i'll let you choose one color if i win and i'll choose one. i choose brown. mittens would be lovely. thanks.

  3. "Head-down, ears unfloppy, hunched inward with his front legs moving faster than his hind legs--like many of us in our lowest moments, the dog attempted to outrun his own ass."

    That's my favorite blog line in a really long time.

    No dogs of our own, just 3 standard poodles that officially belong to the in-laws that we adore.

    These days, I am trying to outrun this feeling that time is creeping up on us and that I will be 40 with still no baby in sight, trying to outrun M's melancholy which sometimes comes over him like a tsunami so no real chance of avoidance there. I'm trying to outrun my lethargy at work and to urge, prod, cajole my motivation to more actively pursue a career elsewhere (but its so damn comfy and easy here...)Oh yes, and my own ass. I am also trying to outrun my own fat ass.

    extra special TMI comment: so, I really was running this morning and guess what I get to see? A homeless dude taking a major sh*t on the sidewalk/path and then wiping his ass with a piece of trash right in front of me. As in, pants down, ass out. Cue the dry heaves. My husband swears its a good omen - out with the bad....

    But then again, he wasn't there. Blech.

    oh mittens would be so lovely. Any color or color combo you feel like spinning together. What an awesome idea, T. Go you.

  4. I second m. That line made me fall out of my chair laughing, no mean feat today. Your dog seems to be acting as a metaphor for the fate of all mankind! Hope the anti histamines help him out, poor soul.

    Sometimes I think I'm just trying to outrun the whole damn thing.

    m - blech, blech, blech! But I hope that is, somehow, a good omen.

  5. Ooh, love me a giveaway. Shipping international? :)

    Well, sounds like our dogs would get along just fine. Except..... we are those people. Those people who had the kids and shipped their dog off. He's with my mum, so we hardly put him out on the street and set him free, but he and the baby were most certainly not mixing, despite the fact he had in fact been our baby for almost 10 years. Writing that, I guess that's exactly WHY they didn't mix. Had his nose way out of joint (bit like Angus does now with the new baby here, but we aren't about to ship him off as we did the dog!)
    Hmmm, a hat would be good? I really don't care. Anything hand made by you would be particularly cool.

  6. I kind of wish I had known that you can't outrun your own would have saved years of living in Arizona married to a rock star. I'd love a hat. Red or orange. I love hats.

  7. This is absolutely hilarious! You've made me laugh before coffee, and that is something right there. Our dog, a crazy, neurotic Labradoodle, is currently the Sisyphus of ear wounds. He has this cut on the end of his long, hairy ear that we keep cleaning and watching scab over . . . which he then scratches or licks back open. And then shakes his head and that long ear send blood spatter flying all over the house. I've been finding and cleaning up the blood for weeks. I feel like Dexter.

    I'd love a hat! Hats rule. Any color is great. Knitting amazes me, I can't quite figure out how it works.