So, here we are. The end of the first decade of this millennium. Seems momentous, right?
Time has moved differently for me in this decade. It's compressed, squozen, flipped, and turned in on itself. There are frozen blocks of time inside my head--two massive, icy sheets that float to the top and obscure everything else.
It is perpetually December 2005 and August 2007.
But, somehow, time still manages to flow beneath.
I organized my desk last week and spent a few minutes marveling at my level of production during 2010. It felt like I did nothing but fret about C and my widowed mother and wonder how I could have saved R but the pile of paper on my desk indicates that I'm actually a highly productive and organized worker bee. Go figure!
Who is this person who manages to accomplish so much? She's so orderly. Her emails are so informative and polite.
I saw Sybil and Sally Field made this all look very dramatic. I thought that my other personalities would be more...flamboyant. I guess I'm just a bureaucrat,even at the very core of my being.
On paper 2010 was actually a banner year for the mommicked family. A new house, a new job for T, C has been declared perfectly normal by her preschool teachers.
But, you know, happiness just doesn't sing like it used to.
We can't move forward with my Dad and R in tow. Each step down the path leaves them a little further behind.
At the same time, letting go doesn't hurt like it used to.
I guess that's the story on 2010--we've evened out, righted the ship, slipped on our normal suits and zipped them all the way up to our chins.
Time heals, if you're willing to do some work.
I have to thank all of you for your assistance with helping me rediscover my inner workaday drudge. I think of this place and all of your blogs as a sort of virtual teacher's lounge. After a long day of setting a good example for the kids, I can stumble in, utter a few cusses, and tug off the pantyhose. I can tell a crass joke. I can tell you exactly what I think of little Jimmy's dreadful mother. And then I can pull myself back together and head back out feeling placid and capable.
Thank you and best to all of you for the coming year.
I hope 2011 only brings good (or boring) things your way.